the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
