I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
