you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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