I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
