How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
