If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize