If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
