Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
