I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
