Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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