you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm at about main and main street
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize