I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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