the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
