Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
