just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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