Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
