The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
