Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just invented taco cereal.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
