Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
