i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
