It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
