I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
