apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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