I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
