I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
