dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
