We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
