i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
