Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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