Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my phone needs a breathalizer
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
