I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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