tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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