my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
