Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize