end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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