I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
