I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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