her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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