He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
