I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
