I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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