Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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