my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Panties = found
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
