Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
