what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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