So drunk its hurt
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Randomize
