You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
