i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
