At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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