I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
