I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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