OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
