Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
