i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
