Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
