Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
soo... how was my night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
