so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
