u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
