i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
