she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
