i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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