you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was so not down for the gang bang
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
