My Higher Power is John Stamos
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
