All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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