There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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