I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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