Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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