he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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