There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
