Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
