i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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