I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
