Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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