I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
