thus making me awesome and them whores
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
