I just cut my nipple shaving
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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