you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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