1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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