Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize