I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do vagina's smell?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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