Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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