Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
