i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
