a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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