Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
