i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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