wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
