the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
