some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize