so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
