Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
