Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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