I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
