Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
