Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize