and she was petting her beer can
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You need Xanax blowdarts
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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